cant sleep....

i cant fall aslep again after ya call that u watch transformer at midnite time..so thikin sth else again.. dont know why, nowadays thikin lots of stuff..especialy between u and em..
i have been thikin how long will we last...i fel lack of security from ya..
from d day i said wanna be friend,but u insist together and say u wil change..
but i dont see any changes..is it im too seriously about this relationship..request too much from u?
actualy i din..just d same thing tat i ask ya always.. but it seem like u always eat ya word..
if someone always eat their words, how shuld i rely on him and trust him? wheres our future then?

am i gettin older? wats i tot really far away..so i ask myself dont care about ya so much these day..
but it make me thik more in-dept..ia...
:(~~~

Mcdonald Nite..

dear,thank you for ya lovely ballon..dont know whats make u buy it.. is it their pressure u? keep askin ya..i guess u dont really mean to buy it,because of them.. cuz u'll paisheh if din do it for me..? actualy im alrite.i just kiddin,see whether u really buy...whos know u really entertain them, go n buy it..wats in ya mind? wanna make me happie or their words pressure ya,so wanna show ur sincerity?lol

these ballon kinda attract me..because its word such as Congratulation..happie birthday..i was thikin if special occasion like above, u give it to me..i will feel so sweet..:) sth like when i bday or durin my graduation give me this ballon..altot not expensive,but really meaninful, it look lovely..but just now dont fel so, it make me feel wastin money n listen them to do such funny thing..maybe it nothin special since everyone own it.. anyway,Thanks..my dear u might b tryin to make me fel happie perhaps..

abit moody..sometimes i dont know we seem more alike budd or couple.. i really cannot be sure which categorie are we..why ar..

thought this was last...

this is the first we argue so much thru sms..sumtimes i really doubt whether u understand what i mean..u ask for last chance that time..i was like..everytime u also say so, but din see any improvement..u not really go for it, afterall will forget wat u promise me..i suppose to write long long in this post, but its so many..dont know start from where..just wanna say tat u are someone really avoid problem just like ya uncle matter.. but u denied..also wont concern my feeling..but always say not to make me worry or not..u also sumtimes self-centred and selfish..but u din realise it..today we back together..i dont know how long will we last if still the same..i always tell myself..i cannot angry u..we must apart wif very peaceful..only can jadi good fren again..cuz i always know budd n lover are diff..if i fel so suffer with this relationship, why shuld i be wif u? because u ask for last chance? or i thik u wil realy change?not becuz im cool, i can let this feelin go.. cuz i know if we cannot be couple,can stil be friend right.. if we really hav fate, we wil b back together..i really dont wish to lose u as a good fren rather than bf..

Accident...

today i thought after sendin ya uncle to airport,we would hav a dinner..
who knows, ya involve accident at klia...

its make me worry, luckily u are safe...otherwise i wil nv see u..
whenever i thik tat u dont wear safety belt it make me uneasy u knoww.. i dont want to nag u ..but if really had serious accident without wearin it , i cant imagine wat wil happen..i wil blame myself for not askin u wear it and caused ya accident..

on the way to klia, u cal em twice, second time ask me for license and ID.. ask me reach asap..
i was like hah..i oso takut,worryin if anythin happen like fake report..beside afraid deduct mark, receive any letter from police station,got vandalism record..but i thik u would nv concern about it..dont tel me u concern me by tellin me wont deduct mark,wont kena summon, this n that..yea, i know u wuld do it.. this is ur responsibility since u ask me to report for u.. u simply ask me to report,i know..couple dont ned ask so much..but at least u shuld tell me that..wei, later i take ur license to report,but not just ask me give u and reach ASAP..apa pun not jiao dai... i know u were so panic, tats why i dowan question so much.. well,at the same time i takut also..
i was angry u, because i hate d way you are..when i afraid tat time,u din sit nx to me, i ignore u tat time, u angry me..wat d heck is tat..u had fault, i help ya..why like tat ar..
summore din wear safety belt..license expired..
PLs la..dont be like tat can or not..

i tel myself at nite time dont nag u, leave u alone..i thik u sure hav alots stuff to worry..such as uncle's matter..i was planin wait after ya stuff settle only talk tis wif u..but u ask me say now..
actually all i want you to know..Pls be responsibility on wat u did,dont blame who blame u,because it aredy happen,also give me a jiao dai afterall and do fel sorry..make me worry n license stuff..honestly, if u din fel it, i really dont knw wat to say..i just can say u just selfish..
if u really thik u had fault,u will face and settle all thing..renew ya license asap,its ez thing..dont ever giv me an excuse or watever shit.. ''BUSY''...lame betul..dont thik ppl nag u, u are no longer a child..u make me worry..i hav been thikin if really serious..HOW? how d feel of nv see u anymore?

i do realy concern u, when i see ya tat time,i really dont know wat to say..just thank god u are safe..

Question

You was so drunk last nite..Another day when we meet up, what do you wish when i see u ?
A. scold u?
B. How are you? feeling better?

---Answer---
A.thats diff between gf and fren.. i do care.. drinkin not a fault, but u cannot drink and BIG ppl, tats ur fault..! i scold u, because u made me worry! if u are not my bf, i wil just ask how ya,feelin better?

B.friend will alwiz say this,because they are ur nobody..answer this which mean we are suit to be friend,because u treat me as one of your budds or just take me for granted..never concern my feeling..

cant slep...

ia..when u tell em u breathe hardly, i really worry and scare..but u stil can ask me to your place.. i say nope, then u quiet ady..assume if i go ur house, wat would u do? play with me? or just like in car tell me u suffer? sumtimes i really dont know how...
i cant slep, thikin about u ..seeing you like that, i fel pain.. i dont know pain for seeing u like that or just becuz u treat me like that.. when i see u in afternoon, u quiet and tel me u lost voice..but then with them so siao..because wanna ask me to your place only talk nicely to me?
when i see u in station 1, i realise u din lost voice..how could it be? can stil hav fun..okiess..
but all the way home, just show me ur drunk lookin.. what am i again?

i really really angry, you know..i really dont know how to show you my concern..
i ask you dont order 2nd bucket,firstly it wasted money, secondly i know u cant drink..also dont wish u drink if u lose..but u say u'll pay bill what, just order..u tell this to me..
y u always like that..My word isnt word? am i become annoyin? u thought i want?
i think u shuld find someone 2care about u, but nt me..cuz u nv take my word..to be honestly, if they are not my budd, i will say u infond of them..i din do so, cuz i dowan 2 them fel any changes when u got me, no longer like be4..in fact, its diff..but i always hope to maintain our relationship like be4..dear, im not greedy..i just wan u to take my word, is it hard?.i fel so sufferin u know..cuz we all are friends.. u make me feel insecure..u drunk ady, ur attitude reali bad..im just like nobody..

ia...

since when i afraid to ask u this and that? when we were budd, i would ask if i want..
dont know why.. i always assume u wil say/talk badly to me..
sumhow just wanna show you my concern or let u know im angry...but i scare to... scare you u show me the frown face like im annoying... just like after ahaik bday..they ask me to ask you go genting, i just fel scare to ask..i dont dare to..cuz i takut u say i gila or what.. if u laff laff and talk happily its ok..but sometimes d way u talk..quite rude...
ia...why ar. ..

..Again..:(

if i dont drop you sms , i guess i wil not fall as slep.. so i decide to drop msg to my good budd.. as i told u be4, u are my bf aka good budd..

i straight away go to bed when i got home.. i know u headache..i shuld show you about my concernin,but i dowan.. u make me fel sad.. i fel hard to leave you alone when u are sick,but i insist to..

why you always make me feel, u treat others better than me? i always hope to see ya tats why i got home early..met u ady, u quiet..its ok.. i thik u must busy thikin about mike..as i read an article last time, when a man quiet and thikin, girl shudnt intterupt and leave them some space..yea,i really try to do so..i dont wish u find im annoyin..

go to station1..when ya finish ya stuff..u talk wif them..and seem nth..its okie again..
after u show me ur tempered when im askin u dl game, why cant u just tell nicely..? then i play my game, u said me..so when i starred at you, i purposely say wanna slap you, u just sound so fierce again....i just feel like why u treat others better than me again?
all the way hOMe, i really fel uneasy..i knw ya headache, so just dowan tlak this wif you..
but then u act nth and simply talk to me..ask me go ya place...sumore say i look fierce? what am i ? ur toys? u can kick me away anytime? i feel extremely upset when i thik of it..
like tht i rather to be ur NORMAL friend, stay away from u all the time.. i fel so suffering.. im not small gas k.. pls..dont always make me feel im not good enuff.. i seem like a lousy gf u know...
i cannot cheer u ..

if u do care my feelin, u wont treat me like tat..if u really concern about me, u wont show me ur tempered..if everyday u are headache, u just treat me this way?
if u do care my feelin, u go home first thing must be msg me~ but not waitin my msg then reply me.. if u really concern me, u will change ya attitude..

em...

its the nite u guys goin to club.. after makan at mr kaya.. i pick joey home..when we are silent, she sudenly ask me, oh ya hoh..bren aske me whether u n wl together? how about joy, did she know?
how about ur mom? i told you this, u tel me shes tryin to jadi batu api since at starbuck..then ask me such question...dont know .. i really dowan to thik about it.. i dont know wat shuld i do if its true.. :(

..My Birthday..

time fliess..23 yrs old ady..:) happie birthday to myself..
although my birthday nth special and same as yearly.. but its real meaninful to me this year, because im havin u..Thank you my dear..i appreciated what u do for me..if theres a handmade card for me i'll feel more sweet than a gift..we are just began, so if we posible to maintain our relationship, i knw i will get lots gift from ya..
i knew ya tryin to make me happie durin my bday while u busy with your stuff..say no gift for me, fel so sory? i understand one.. as what i said we just began,im alrite about it..:)

today i felt sad when u told me about joyc stuff..im not angry and unhappie, but i fel sad..
Actualy its in my expectation,tats wat i hav been worryin.. joy n bren are my best budd no matter hows their attitude, i can take it, if theres no return, it doesnt really important 2 me anyway.. thus, i really care about her feelin.. when she know we together, i thik she wil stil sad even though she has bf alredy..but to you, u might nt understand n thik why she has bf ady stil wanto b like that.. just like u dont understand why tat time she got u ady stil make out with des.. because we really care about it..
you told me last time n also today she mentioned it, u guys had argument because of me..i was fel like so sorry..because u are her bf tat time, i dont hope myself exist ya relationship, so i always tried to avoid it matter, ask u to side her no matter you personally thik right or wrong..till today,she knew we together, i can felt her hardfeelin in heart..she must be hesitatin and thikin, whether tat time u like me? i dont wish she thik you are this kind of person, i felt heartache and uneasy..i dont wish to hurt her feelin..

When you said to me that in car, how about my feeling(u was so fierce).. u shuld know,i was tellin you about myself n joy doesnt include u..last time she hurted u and u get hurted, dint include me as well..
firstly, i treat her as my good budd,i care her feelin alots..i feel sorry to her..i guess herself cant even accept why her good budd date with my ex? is it he liked her long long ago tats why side her? secondly, i was the middleman when u guys broke up.. shes the one ask me to console u, tel u tat she bad..in my point of view i really thik she not deserve to hav u, i told u tat rite..
u know..today i together with you, i just dontknow why i fel bad on myself.. like make you two aparted.. and now i got you...i dont have fault u know.. i nv expected we can be couple and can be so lovely... why she would thik and say it to you? it meant she mind.. when u told me tat she tears drop.. i fel so sad.. i hurted someone tat i so care about....

Sorry for not concern ya feelin..i know we shuld face about the problem, but i really fel bad..

Amazin nite..

what make me so brave?
:x

i hav been phobia since i know wats about it..
thats why i not into it..i felt low esteem always,i found myself abnormal afterall..
why people can be so healthy, but me? thus,its make me timid and fear about it...so im self-protective than others.. u may find me weak when u gettin me well.. because i not easier get closer with people..even i do, its too hard to share, beside u and someone i told..

i never tel to anyone til i fell in love with u..
i always thik if i cant give, why together with u, its make u suffer rite? i couldnt be so selfish.. not only to you, but every guys who tackle me.. i have no guts to tell anyway..its shameful cuz i afraid about it and phobia..
since together with u, i shuld overcome it for sure...

together with ya, i realise myself become brave.. cuz u always tease me ar..~ DESPARATE.. kaka...my dear real cute.. :x

...Friday..

My life kinda routine after graduate 4 few mth..but luckily to have you..i feel happie to see you everyday, so dont fel like seriously find a job..i afraid someday when i work, i can not see u, then u will find others to replace me..:x it sound so silly hoh..i know this couldnt last long,but at least i can holdin u tight now and see you within d days i unemployed yet ..cuz i do not know aftr i workin what wil i be..

today met james at central.. my dear you met him so often these day because of bizz stuff.. u are really hardsell on ya web..haha..you realy pay lots effort on it..hope everythin wil go smoothly..:)
and also must pay attention on ya studies, do not neglect...~

actualy i never thik to follow you guys up to club one,cuz i know u guys wanna talk about casino stuff..beside, if i were there, i know u couldnt really enjoy..u worry urself neglect me or afraid i get jealousy if i see you be wif other girl..:) i rather stay at home..end up stil follow ya go..
Tell you secretly also be frankedly, before tat i was thikin if joey go wif u guys, if i don go i'll sure worry, cuz after we had talk about her in car..cuz i afraid she...u... :x i knew she tried to gain ya heart when we were goodbudd, tat time i dont giv a shit, cuz u hav right to pick whoever u like to mix..i wont play tactic or backstab on her to get ya,i felt nothin..cuz everyone is equal..
now is diff..i dont wish she gain ya heart and ya fell 4 her cuz her understandin..u shuld know wat i meant rite? i know its silly thikin.. but i realy afraid after knowin her well, i dont know wats d real of her..i hope no one can spoil our relationship now or even friendship..and u always be honest to me..

so til seein that james's kaimui approach u, its fine anyway.. but joey tried to tel me tat she seduce u.. i dont care anyway..i just know she has fun wif anyone of us.. as long as u hav me in heart and wont simply intimate with her or whoever when without me , not only tonite but all d time..then i'll b alrite dear.. :)

its our first time holdin hand in club.. last time when i seein couple have fun together,i kinda envy..dont know how to describe..so i felt so sweet now, cuz i hav been hopin my bf hold my hand and hav fun someday..dream cOme true..haha

i Miss u .. muck muck..