Graduation koala bear.

Haha..tis gift by my dear..

My Fruit house

I wit my bf at one utama..

Couple Watch..

thanks for ya watch my dear...:) when i know d price of d watch..donno why.. its just like..
ia..so expensive..really wastin money..maybe u tryin to say im priority in ya heart..its juz judge by price..anyway, i know u mean it to me...
i not really like tat watch,but u gift me i felt happie ar...but its expensive ar...d watch juz aint deserve for d price perhaps..lol...

actualy price isnt a matter..as long as u got d heart..know wat i like..its enuff.. even cheap cheap stuff i also fel happie.. if u bought me d ferry wheel..i might b happier than getin this watch..
tats wat i fel...its watch from ya,seem make me fel stress..i really scare i wil disapointe ya,leave u sumday..cuz we wil nv know wat wil happen rite...

love u my dear..

ROB...

LOVE?

no money only have true love..just like u and joyc..
got money have true love..but not as real as u guys..
money,u thought can buy love..well,money just can make one's life happier and enjoyable..
so u have neglect wats love really mean..
i remember u said, love is about when i ned u,u wil be there..love is something u scare people steal it away..
but i would thik,love is reality, love hav to show and act..juz like how much u done on ahjoy when u are in poor condition..

like now,u always thik, money is everything..happier n love are two term u knoww..
wats a are some of d women really want?

actualy thik back wat u had said in d mornin, i really angry on ya..
u said u dowan someday when i want money for urgent matter,u cant make it, then i complain on ya..ia.. i really donno how to put me and u together..

ia....

today i din go out, slep at hOme wholeday..stomachache..juz feel like waitin someone to take care of me..
sometimes make me fel down, when i thikin of..last time joyc sick, would u cal her all d time,wanna take care her..im not jealousy..juz like sth always appear in my mindd..
even i slep, i would thik about u two..im thikin how much can i take about it,since i know u guys matter lots..i fel sufferin..with someone ex..especialy my good budd..

today she aske me for steambot..i was thikin to reject her,becuz i wanto be wif u..if makan wif her,i donno can ask u along onot.. not becuz i wanto avoid her..den u tel me she tot tat way..well, i know her well..as in msg,i can felt it..i thik if i got no stomachache,i wil go out wif u..i wil ask u guys dont tel her i come out, i afraid she would thik i avoid her..
its becuz i wanna be with u than her anyway...

Im great tat u are honest to me..wat i want is honest..altot i might think this n that..but even u din tell me, i would stil like tat..because its a matter for me..
remember wat i said in msg tat day..i was thikin why my love life hav to hide this and that..hav to act this n that to avoid embarasment? its becuz our good budd n ur ex..
why cant we dating openly and as usual when infond of her..
i always get ready if someday we met up wif her..i wante know hows d feelin to me and u..how u would act to me infond of ur ex.. u know, i dont like d feelin..i feel sufferin again,
i really cannot take it about this.. but not wat she chat n sms wif u..
As when we single..i dislike d way she treat u,when argue wif bf, find ya for replacement and tok 2 u,tel u she miz u..i dont know wat would u fel..u might fel happie?
As we are no longer single,we together..is it stil d same..well, if she do,im alrite cuz i know her well..but wats she told u,everygirl might about their bf tok to their ex n wil talk to u less..then why she still msg u?im nt jealous,juz wana let u know she wanna prove im mind..

dear, always remember our case diff to others..urs previous love n current love are in a group..
i dont know how much u lov me..cuz i always thik love should show but not hide..maybe becuz of u and joy..i cant even know about it..tats why i don put much hope on ya..i lov u,i wish to tel my mum..but i nv thik and visualize how far i can go thru about all these thing..

why...

dont know why make me feel unhapie when you dowan take sticker photo..
i was thikin is it because u dowan recal back about u and joy,bren n alvin took last time?
or u din mean it..juz because u busy doin ya stuff..well, i understand...

Just feelin down..why cant u take wif me when i request..
maybe i know sth too much btw u and joy..so whenever i see sth tat u guys done..i recall back,i fel like uneasy..
Juz make me fel u treat her better than me.. i know u would say, i treat u better as well..this n thatt...really dont know how to tel ya..maybe when one no money,only know wats love?
when one got money, thought money can fill sth lack in love?
honestly, i dont agree, got money then got love..when no money,u wil more appreciate wat u hav..

cant sleep....

i cant fall aslep again after ya call that u watch transformer at midnite time..so thikin sth else again.. dont know why, nowadays thikin lots of stuff..especialy between u and em..
i have been thikin how long will we last...i fel lack of security from ya..
from d day i said wanna be friend,but u insist together and say u wil change..
but i dont see any changes..is it im too seriously about this relationship..request too much from u?
actualy i din..just d same thing tat i ask ya always.. but it seem like u always eat ya word..
if someone always eat their words, how shuld i rely on him and trust him? wheres our future then?

am i gettin older? wats i tot really far away..so i ask myself dont care about ya so much these day..
but it make me thik more in-dept..ia...
:(~~~

Mcdonald Nite..

dear,thank you for ya lovely ballon..dont know whats make u buy it.. is it their pressure u? keep askin ya..i guess u dont really mean to buy it,because of them.. cuz u'll paisheh if din do it for me..? actualy im alrite.i just kiddin,see whether u really buy...whos know u really entertain them, go n buy it..wats in ya mind? wanna make me happie or their words pressure ya,so wanna show ur sincerity?lol

these ballon kinda attract me..because its word such as Congratulation..happie birthday..i was thikin if special occasion like above, u give it to me..i will feel so sweet..:) sth like when i bday or durin my graduation give me this ballon..altot not expensive,but really meaninful, it look lovely..but just now dont fel so, it make me feel wastin money n listen them to do such funny thing..maybe it nothin special since everyone own it.. anyway,Thanks..my dear u might b tryin to make me fel happie perhaps..

abit moody..sometimes i dont know we seem more alike budd or couple.. i really cannot be sure which categorie are we..why ar..

thought this was last...

this is the first we argue so much thru sms..sumtimes i really doubt whether u understand what i mean..u ask for last chance that time..i was like..everytime u also say so, but din see any improvement..u not really go for it, afterall will forget wat u promise me..i suppose to write long long in this post, but its so many..dont know start from where..just wanna say tat u are someone really avoid problem just like ya uncle matter.. but u denied..also wont concern my feeling..but always say not to make me worry or not..u also sumtimes self-centred and selfish..but u din realise it..today we back together..i dont know how long will we last if still the same..i always tell myself..i cannot angry u..we must apart wif very peaceful..only can jadi good fren again..cuz i always know budd n lover are diff..if i fel so suffer with this relationship, why shuld i be wif u? because u ask for last chance? or i thik u wil realy change?not becuz im cool, i can let this feelin go.. cuz i know if we cannot be couple,can stil be friend right.. if we really hav fate, we wil b back together..i really dont wish to lose u as a good fren rather than bf..

Accident...

today i thought after sendin ya uncle to airport,we would hav a dinner..
who knows, ya involve accident at klia...

its make me worry, luckily u are safe...otherwise i wil nv see u..
whenever i thik tat u dont wear safety belt it make me uneasy u knoww.. i dont want to nag u ..but if really had serious accident without wearin it , i cant imagine wat wil happen..i wil blame myself for not askin u wear it and caused ya accident..

on the way to klia, u cal em twice, second time ask me for license and ID.. ask me reach asap..
i was like hah..i oso takut,worryin if anythin happen like fake report..beside afraid deduct mark, receive any letter from police station,got vandalism record..but i thik u would nv concern about it..dont tel me u concern me by tellin me wont deduct mark,wont kena summon, this n that..yea, i know u wuld do it.. this is ur responsibility since u ask me to report for u.. u simply ask me to report,i know..couple dont ned ask so much..but at least u shuld tell me that..wei, later i take ur license to report,but not just ask me give u and reach ASAP..apa pun not jiao dai... i know u were so panic, tats why i dowan question so much.. well,at the same time i takut also..
i was angry u, because i hate d way you are..when i afraid tat time,u din sit nx to me, i ignore u tat time, u angry me..wat d heck is tat..u had fault, i help ya..why like tat ar..
summore din wear safety belt..license expired..
PLs la..dont be like tat can or not..

i tel myself at nite time dont nag u, leave u alone..i thik u sure hav alots stuff to worry..such as uncle's matter..i was planin wait after ya stuff settle only talk tis wif u..but u ask me say now..
actually all i want you to know..Pls be responsibility on wat u did,dont blame who blame u,because it aredy happen,also give me a jiao dai afterall and do fel sorry..make me worry n license stuff..honestly, if u din fel it, i really dont knw wat to say..i just can say u just selfish..
if u really thik u had fault,u will face and settle all thing..renew ya license asap,its ez thing..dont ever giv me an excuse or watever shit.. ''BUSY''...lame betul..dont thik ppl nag u, u are no longer a child..u make me worry..i hav been thikin if really serious..HOW? how d feel of nv see u anymore?

i do realy concern u, when i see ya tat time,i really dont know wat to say..just thank god u are safe..

Question

You was so drunk last nite..Another day when we meet up, what do you wish when i see u ?
A. scold u?
B. How are you? feeling better?

---Answer---
A.thats diff between gf and fren.. i do care.. drinkin not a fault, but u cannot drink and BIG ppl, tats ur fault..! i scold u, because u made me worry! if u are not my bf, i wil just ask how ya,feelin better?

B.friend will alwiz say this,because they are ur nobody..answer this which mean we are suit to be friend,because u treat me as one of your budds or just take me for granted..never concern my feeling..

cant slep...

ia..when u tell em u breathe hardly, i really worry and scare..but u stil can ask me to your place.. i say nope, then u quiet ady..assume if i go ur house, wat would u do? play with me? or just like in car tell me u suffer? sumtimes i really dont know how...
i cant slep, thikin about u ..seeing you like that, i fel pain.. i dont know pain for seeing u like that or just becuz u treat me like that.. when i see u in afternoon, u quiet and tel me u lost voice..but then with them so siao..because wanna ask me to your place only talk nicely to me?
when i see u in station 1, i realise u din lost voice..how could it be? can stil hav fun..okiess..
but all the way home, just show me ur drunk lookin.. what am i again?

i really really angry, you know..i really dont know how to show you my concern..
i ask you dont order 2nd bucket,firstly it wasted money, secondly i know u cant drink..also dont wish u drink if u lose..but u say u'll pay bill what, just order..u tell this to me..
y u always like that..My word isnt word? am i become annoyin? u thought i want?
i think u shuld find someone 2care about u, but nt me..cuz u nv take my word..to be honestly, if they are not my budd, i will say u infond of them..i din do so, cuz i dowan 2 them fel any changes when u got me, no longer like be4..in fact, its diff..but i always hope to maintain our relationship like be4..dear, im not greedy..i just wan u to take my word, is it hard?.i fel so sufferin u know..cuz we all are friends.. u make me feel insecure..u drunk ady, ur attitude reali bad..im just like nobody..

ia...

since when i afraid to ask u this and that? when we were budd, i would ask if i want..
dont know why.. i always assume u wil say/talk badly to me..
sumhow just wanna show you my concern or let u know im angry...but i scare to... scare you u show me the frown face like im annoying... just like after ahaik bday..they ask me to ask you go genting, i just fel scare to ask..i dont dare to..cuz i takut u say i gila or what.. if u laff laff and talk happily its ok..but sometimes d way u talk..quite rude...
ia...why ar. ..

..Again..:(

if i dont drop you sms , i guess i wil not fall as slep.. so i decide to drop msg to my good budd.. as i told u be4, u are my bf aka good budd..

i straight away go to bed when i got home.. i know u headache..i shuld show you about my concernin,but i dowan.. u make me fel sad.. i fel hard to leave you alone when u are sick,but i insist to..

why you always make me feel, u treat others better than me? i always hope to see ya tats why i got home early..met u ady, u quiet..its ok.. i thik u must busy thikin about mike..as i read an article last time, when a man quiet and thikin, girl shudnt intterupt and leave them some space..yea,i really try to do so..i dont wish u find im annoyin..

go to station1..when ya finish ya stuff..u talk wif them..and seem nth..its okie again..
after u show me ur tempered when im askin u dl game, why cant u just tell nicely..? then i play my game, u said me..so when i starred at you, i purposely say wanna slap you, u just sound so fierce again....i just feel like why u treat others better than me again?
all the way hOMe, i really fel uneasy..i knw ya headache, so just dowan tlak this wif you..
but then u act nth and simply talk to me..ask me go ya place...sumore say i look fierce? what am i ? ur toys? u can kick me away anytime? i feel extremely upset when i thik of it..
like tht i rather to be ur NORMAL friend, stay away from u all the time.. i fel so suffering.. im not small gas k.. pls..dont always make me feel im not good enuff.. i seem like a lousy gf u know...
i cannot cheer u ..

if u do care my feelin, u wont treat me like tat..if u really concern about me, u wont show me ur tempered..if everyday u are headache, u just treat me this way?
if u do care my feelin, u go home first thing must be msg me~ but not waitin my msg then reply me.. if u really concern me, u will change ya attitude..

em...

its the nite u guys goin to club.. after makan at mr kaya.. i pick joey home..when we are silent, she sudenly ask me, oh ya hoh..bren aske me whether u n wl together? how about joy, did she know?
how about ur mom? i told you this, u tel me shes tryin to jadi batu api since at starbuck..then ask me such question...dont know .. i really dowan to thik about it.. i dont know wat shuld i do if its true.. :(

..My Birthday..

time fliess..23 yrs old ady..:) happie birthday to myself..
although my birthday nth special and same as yearly.. but its real meaninful to me this year, because im havin u..Thank you my dear..i appreciated what u do for me..if theres a handmade card for me i'll feel more sweet than a gift..we are just began, so if we posible to maintain our relationship, i knw i will get lots gift from ya..
i knew ya tryin to make me happie durin my bday while u busy with your stuff..say no gift for me, fel so sory? i understand one.. as what i said we just began,im alrite about it..:)

today i felt sad when u told me about joyc stuff..im not angry and unhappie, but i fel sad..
Actualy its in my expectation,tats wat i hav been worryin.. joy n bren are my best budd no matter hows their attitude, i can take it, if theres no return, it doesnt really important 2 me anyway.. thus, i really care about her feelin.. when she know we together, i thik she wil stil sad even though she has bf alredy..but to you, u might nt understand n thik why she has bf ady stil wanto b like that.. just like u dont understand why tat time she got u ady stil make out with des.. because we really care about it..
you told me last time n also today she mentioned it, u guys had argument because of me..i was fel like so sorry..because u are her bf tat time, i dont hope myself exist ya relationship, so i always tried to avoid it matter, ask u to side her no matter you personally thik right or wrong..till today,she knew we together, i can felt her hardfeelin in heart..she must be hesitatin and thikin, whether tat time u like me? i dont wish she thik you are this kind of person, i felt heartache and uneasy..i dont wish to hurt her feelin..

When you said to me that in car, how about my feeling(u was so fierce).. u shuld know,i was tellin you about myself n joy doesnt include u..last time she hurted u and u get hurted, dint include me as well..
firstly, i treat her as my good budd,i care her feelin alots..i feel sorry to her..i guess herself cant even accept why her good budd date with my ex? is it he liked her long long ago tats why side her? secondly, i was the middleman when u guys broke up.. shes the one ask me to console u, tel u tat she bad..in my point of view i really thik she not deserve to hav u, i told u tat rite..
u know..today i together with you, i just dontknow why i fel bad on myself.. like make you two aparted.. and now i got you...i dont have fault u know.. i nv expected we can be couple and can be so lovely... why she would thik and say it to you? it meant she mind.. when u told me tat she tears drop.. i fel so sad.. i hurted someone tat i so care about....

Sorry for not concern ya feelin..i know we shuld face about the problem, but i really fel bad..

Amazin nite..

what make me so brave?
:x

i hav been phobia since i know wats about it..
thats why i not into it..i felt low esteem always,i found myself abnormal afterall..
why people can be so healthy, but me? thus,its make me timid and fear about it...so im self-protective than others.. u may find me weak when u gettin me well.. because i not easier get closer with people..even i do, its too hard to share, beside u and someone i told..

i never tel to anyone til i fell in love with u..
i always thik if i cant give, why together with u, its make u suffer rite? i couldnt be so selfish.. not only to you, but every guys who tackle me.. i have no guts to tell anyway..its shameful cuz i afraid about it and phobia..
since together with u, i shuld overcome it for sure...

together with ya, i realise myself become brave.. cuz u always tease me ar..~ DESPARATE.. kaka...my dear real cute.. :x

...Friday..

My life kinda routine after graduate 4 few mth..but luckily to have you..i feel happie to see you everyday, so dont fel like seriously find a job..i afraid someday when i work, i can not see u, then u will find others to replace me..:x it sound so silly hoh..i know this couldnt last long,but at least i can holdin u tight now and see you within d days i unemployed yet ..cuz i do not know aftr i workin what wil i be..

today met james at central.. my dear you met him so often these day because of bizz stuff.. u are really hardsell on ya web..haha..you realy pay lots effort on it..hope everythin wil go smoothly..:)
and also must pay attention on ya studies, do not neglect...~

actualy i never thik to follow you guys up to club one,cuz i know u guys wanna talk about casino stuff..beside, if i were there, i know u couldnt really enjoy..u worry urself neglect me or afraid i get jealousy if i see you be wif other girl..:) i rather stay at home..end up stil follow ya go..
Tell you secretly also be frankedly, before tat i was thikin if joey go wif u guys, if i don go i'll sure worry, cuz after we had talk about her in car..cuz i afraid she...u... :x i knew she tried to gain ya heart when we were goodbudd, tat time i dont giv a shit, cuz u hav right to pick whoever u like to mix..i wont play tactic or backstab on her to get ya,i felt nothin..cuz everyone is equal..
now is diff..i dont wish she gain ya heart and ya fell 4 her cuz her understandin..u shuld know wat i meant rite? i know its silly thikin.. but i realy afraid after knowin her well, i dont know wats d real of her..i hope no one can spoil our relationship now or even friendship..and u always be honest to me..

so til seein that james's kaimui approach u, its fine anyway.. but joey tried to tel me tat she seduce u.. i dont care anyway..i just know she has fun wif anyone of us.. as long as u hav me in heart and wont simply intimate with her or whoever when without me , not only tonite but all d time..then i'll b alrite dear.. :)

its our first time holdin hand in club.. last time when i seein couple have fun together,i kinda envy..dont know how to describe..so i felt so sweet now, cuz i hav been hopin my bf hold my hand and hav fun someday..dream cOme true..haha

i Miss u .. muck muck..

.............

dear ar..do you know, i always afraid scare someday we fight on what you doin,because our perception are differ..sumtimes i dont like ya involve this bizz, cz i started worryin how would it be in future..as i dont like to argue..so i dont stop you doesnt mean i agree wif u, i choose to b wif ya, so i will fully support u, as long as u know wat u doin..i really concern about ya..cuz u are no longer my budd, but my dear..d closest one.. always thik of me be4 u do...do not allow us quarel about this...

you told me tat even kena arrest, money wil solve the prob.. but i dowan this happen..
tats good to budd, why.. u would accept ppl opinion...wont hav argument..
but gf.. u might not listen anymore..and always say i not understand.. i fel irritating..
so get argument....

u better keep my word...even quarel..must still thik of me .. kaka...:p

..Pyramid..

after makan at genki sushi, we went to barflam wif my ex collmate..
its quite hapie when holdin your hand..but its feel like uncomfortable? abit odd? haha..
Maybe we are frm good budd to lover..so tis is kinda incrediblee to you n me...
i was appreciated every moment to be with u..altot i had lots questions..

Just now i saw a msg from joey which ,'wei darlin, when u wanna giv me sm video'.. it make think of when u askin me what im lookin in ya phone..sound like afraid on sth..so i decide to ask ya in car, but u tel me, tat u was purposely..is it true?

'wei darlin..' shuld i mind about it? or i shuld just take it tat everyone of us are good budd so it doesnt matter? but how would ur good budd call me darlin? what wil come across ya mind?
As she knw u are my dear,but she...

till you told me tat actualy u can felt tat she isnt like me n u together..i fel insecure..
when we were budd, honestly, i really dont care.. u can mix up whoever u want..
but now seem like.. somehow i really scare she snatch ya away n u guys hav affair like da movie..she would simply kiss u or watever when drunk..its make me fel so silly...

sumhow i thik she wil fel happie if me n u hav argument.. so she has the opp to approach u..and console u.. Then u wil tell her everythin.. pls remember wat u told me in car.. u will not..
if anythin, u surely tell me..tats wat u promised k...

i starte fel jealousy..especialy she wanna grab ya away..!!!

Feel badd...

today actualy din wanto go my kaima house after knowin u not goin class..
i kep askin myself..goin onot...
as last nite, i hardly fal aslep.. i thikin how..shuld i go or not..i hesitated..
because i wanna be persistance to live without u..even a day din see u, i still can survive..but i find it tough... go to kaima house kep thikin of u..felt happie when receivin ya call...
i really afraid myself too stick u ..make u fel troublesomee..
somemore d day be4 u din teman me, make me missed u so much at d nite..so nx day go to my kaima place,dowan teman u, let u miss me if u do !~ but i think probably no la hoh?? blak.. bad dear!~

at nite time when u telin me u at danny wif joey n ken..u askin me come over.. i was thikin dowan to go ar..cuz dowan see u.. wanna see whether u miss me or not.. end up i stil go there look for you...im so useless hoh? i starte cannot live without seein u a day ... goshh.. help me pls..

u really bad.. badd... baddd...

em....

today after breakfast whole day din see u.. its fine anyway.. i knw ya got sth to do..
i slept at 9sth to 2am..between tat u call me twice..
at first u told me how busy u are.. actualy i din angry or wat when im slepin..
i just fel like worryin..u started involvin everykind of betting.. involve ppl tat just knew..etc...
then silly thik about..how if kena arrest? i feel like worryin u..scare u guys kena trap or cheat.. *touchwood*..also think about how will we be? maybe i shuldnt think so much, when i work, i got no time to care about it..

last call..ask me whether angry you din teman me..? how if i said i do? in fact i dint..cuz i not really thik of you today..somehow i control myself to be wif u..
if u dont cal me..i might fel like weird weird..but its ok if i know u sth to do..

Then u say u wanna bring me to eat on nx day,but i'll b goin to kaima house.. why i wanto plan the time to be wif u..monday go klcc,so din go there..today was thikin to go there,but mom dayoff..so make it on wednesday, in other hand i tot u got clas on wed..
when i listen of u wanna bring me eat, i dont fel happie,but moody..
the day yesterday u also say so ar,but then u went out wholeday.. u forgot? or u just simply say? i can go to kaima house on d day u class,but then now onward i really ned to control about what i thought and want, no matter how i want to be with u..

i din angry u my dear..just dont know why,when u ask me isit angry u din teman me wholeday..i fel like abit sad afterall.. is it just like wat u say..song song find me,got sth to do din find me..
what shuld i do? u say u fel guilty? but nite time spent wif others..
if u din say guilty, im alrite.. abit contradictin wat u've said... then u said felt like huggin me, its make fel tat u say it for makin me fel better or just wat guilty.. i dont ned anyway..
Pls to be honest, if ya do, say..if yo do not, dont say..

maybe i shuld starte to find sth to do, dont let u thik i always like to stick ya..to be frankedly,althought u become my habit n occupied my life..but i always positively, if u din find me, its good to stay at hOMe..then my mom wont nag..

when u tellin me u wanna slep..i donno why fel like wanna stop you..at least u talk more to me, i will fel better rather than u said i miss u, wana hug u or dont angry..
its make fel tears in eye again..hatin myself u know..

My dear-You

In my eye of you..

As a buddy
You are my best budd among all,we can talk everythin easily..not only good budd,but also good listener..
Whenever ppl talk bad about u,i always think tat you are not kind of person..because in my eye of you, u are better than everyone else..so i was just like..when it comes to me,i dont care how they talk bad about me,as long as u understand me..if u are not, no point..i can live alone anyway.. it may lil disapointe n depress..
Beside, you are not only righterous,good,carin and understandin person..but also a good good bf,if who own ya, they might be happines..cuz i always thik that u are a loyal and sincere bf..
maybe i know sth about u past relationship..bad thing might be like to tell a lies sometimes..
i always thik tat we are same kind of person..even in our perception-Love or whatever..so i find it easily to understand you..coz our thought are same..

As a boyfriend
You are my Silly dear..who bad tempered, notty, smal gas, and kanasai...
someone who sneak into my life and mess it up..always make me feel troublesome and worry..
my dear? its wat i nv expecte..:'')
however,i know how to differentiate bf n budd..i know everythin wil no longer like be4.. because couple dont ned righterous..we can not simply let it go when starte..so u may find it diff as well if u thik deply..u've told me tat ur love are in implicit way,i cant even know how much..it seemed tat i dont understand you..Then sth come acros my mind,how come ur past lov so explicit,make me fel jealousy..actualy i shud know that,u are no longer like be4..last time just concentrate on her..now hav to concern and cope more..such in soccer,studies..and also Me..
cant be denied..i feel sweet when ya hand on my hair..hangin wif smile when b wif me..but whenever u look frown, unhapie or got problem.i fel unhappie..as wat i said, ur mood always affect my mood..i couldnt help..so seriously thik tat how much i occupied in ya heart? i starte realisin tat many thing has been changed..because we from good budd to lover..i care mucher than be4..and donno why, trust n confident on ya become lesser.. i realy hate my dearie lie me,even lil potato thing u know..i hate d feelin and i hate myself being like tat..so wheres ya loyalty tat i thought lastime? somehow i hav to thik be4 speak,cuz it may caused argument anytime..

you shuld know tat good budd will nv knw how ya tempered n wont care so much, but lover will know n care..so pls dont blame me..

Klcc..

Become comin out,i was layin on bed ..fel like cryin after msn chat with u..
then u just a call, i came out with u..
at least u got go to coll..if u just simply bring me to eat, and din go coll check for ya shcedule, i dont know how would it be..

in car u told me tat u hav to copy d list.. today is just look for schedule..if nx time study day, u because of it and din go college..honestly, i felt disapointed on you.. i know its important..but ur studies also important..i knw if someday like tat, u surely giv up ya studie than do it..

i started angry myself..why dont i pay understand on above matter when u say me tat.. say he not free, ned your help..because of this, u frustrate and angry me.. because of this, u show me that take schedule is not important..
My dear..i really dont know how to do to make you fel better beside silent..
when i silent, u say im angry.. when i voice out, u say im not understandin..

after hav a short talk wif u at klcc,i fel released..i thik we ned time to communicate,but just not hehe haha.. when we are dining, walkin, talkin.. dont know why.. our lov seem so lame..
it doesnt matter anymore.. maybe we cannot take each other attitude..
i try my very best to understandin u,but u dont thik so.. it make me fel complicated..
holdin ya hand, i shuld fel sweet..but why it taste so bitter..

why...

yesterday say today come out eat lunch and go college...
when i awake, i saw my time 1.30pm..so i wake up imediately and drop ya a sms and call as well..
why i so kan cheong.. cuz u told me before 3pm must reach there..
i know u wil layin on bed til 2sth for sure..so 2pm i only got up, i afraid ya wait for me..

u told me 2sth come out at first..then ned to copy list, so tel me be4 3.30 wil do..after tat sms you, u told me 20 min later... but then u din make it again, till i finish this blog i guess..

i din angry at first..cuz i know u always not punctual one..
then during msn time..the way u tok make me fel sad..
because i wonder why u said u busy stil put online mode..? altot u tellin me u copyin list..
i just simply say u really main main.. then u sound so angry..come on,i have been waitin you for so long, i cannot crap wif u ar..somemore i was thikin to go kaima place..summore when i askin u stil goin, u cannot giv me exact answer..say ned to call them..if u tel me can, i okie wif it..i wil wait ar..but u din say so also..say come out eat..like tat i rather go my kaima place, then teman u go esok..sometimes u really dont understand one hoh..say i dont pay understandin on ya..
make me fel im yea man nu yu.. i fel so sufferin u know?

i really wanna go to my kaima place since u said like this way..do sth cruel..why care ya feelin so much..why shuld i still wait for u?
all because i afraid i make u unhappie..

Then and Now...

i have been quite long never crie badly..since my first relationship 8yrs back..
why these day cried so often..?
i should fel sweet when i be with u,why tears just in my eye when i thik about u and me..
its reason why i really scare to be in love..without love,i dont feel sad..without love,i feel free..
without love,i wont hurt ur feelin..without love,i wont be like tat.. its all about LOVE..

whenever you say i love you,i was hopin i can speak out i love you easily..but i feel its hard..
it doesnt mean i dont love you.. for me..'i love you' is define as promise..love you wholeheartedly without hesitating..i just dont hav guts to say so...so i always say to myself..as sure as fate..

actualy we consider as couple if u admite..altot we always askin wat are we right now... we just dont hav comitment..
why tis relationship sound so bad...

im not a strong woman,tats why i always hopin someone who stronger than me to guide/protect me..it doesnt mean u are not, if u wilin to.. u can be tat person..
but somehow u say u not suits me..i feel so depressed..why cant you even give me a sense of confident and security? so i hesitating again...and starte to thik that actualy u din lov me as much as u said..

dear..remember if someday i leave u, it doesnt mean i dont love you..
its because we are more comfortable to be friend..
its because my problem, not yours..
its because i couldnt overcome and cant even visualize our future..
its because our love not fully built..it breaks easily..

its hard to let it go..but we have to...in case we argue and find it unhappie/troublesome in future..
i know say easier than do.. you n me may find it tough to go thru, just in short while perhaps..but our sweet memories will be there always...

ia...

why these day feelin blue?

i wish to be a very understandin gf..wish to cheer him up always..but i unable to do so..
its maybe we are gettin closer..he expecte im a understandin person, fel comfortable to be wif me..
u know..sumtimes i cannot take it.. i realize myself really care about it..im not calculativ or what..
just thikin..have u ever concern about my feelin? neglect my feelin..thus i fel take me 4 granted..
sumtimes i dont thik im a demandin person..but to you, i become like that.. actualy its quite lil..
just hoPe ya care about my feelin..end up argue... honestly,i not allow d lov btw u n me..has got ARGUMENT..it isnt wat i want.. why cant be sweet sweet always...
Love cannot be fille by water..no money.. no cure? its sound so cool...

u told me, u be wif me cuz im understandin.. i was askin myself.. it wasnt enuff to u? or my problem? fren n gf arent same..gf is someone who gotta take ya tempered, cheer u, be wif u.. fren are someone who listen to you, wont demand so much..
i hate myself for lovin u.. i try to mention about it,but always make u unhapie..
i really dowan..i hate myself bein like tat.. tats why , i repeatedly askin myself..is it i shuldnt like b wif u..worry tis and tat..make ya suffer as well.. really feel bad..

Sorry..

...Tatoo...

haha..My dear said, he wanna ta too and write on his arm, shoulder or wherever ..so cannot make out wif other girl... :x its sound sweet ohh.. if we really cannot last long how.. if u meant it, i also dowan..why i so serious, you might be crap also la...LOL... tatoo is juz like forever Mark over ya bodyy....

Anyway,just wanna drop down that you promised me..someday we get married , u will tatoo my naMe... wakaka... so no one can grab u away hoh.. :) dont thik i wil forget..u better automaticaly do it...

Its quite funnie when u talk about marrie ar..cuz its quite far away..we got no commitment yet..
well, Hope this will never change..and you will alwiz remember.. dont eat ya word..

Lookin Back d smses..

Lookin back it smses, feelin bad..why cant i see d power of love?

YOU: i really very sad nw lao po, as i thik over again, i cant find i hav a good ability to be ya bf..u know ya bf is doin illegal stuff..i luv u is definely true,i can swear 2 d god! but i wan u 2 be hapines gal, i find tat im failure in this..i realy sad n embrassment!

ME: i feel disapointed..i blif in ya..but u cant even giv me a sense of security and visualizze our future..and tell me this way..confident 2 ya has been demotee..

YOU: I hate myself being this way! coz lov u so much but i mind im doin soccer bizz coz i know u dont wish ya bf is doin tat too rite?

ME: u mind urself doin it, but u blame me not understand ya? frm d day i knw u til do this biz.. did i say anythin beside askin ya dont put all ya hope on it?wat else? u are d one not understand me! i dont care anymore, juz do watever u like..
we are juz ez come ez go anywaY!

YOU: i was like tat because i was thikin tat u take degree but i take diploma..status problem..
(IT SOUND LOW ESTEEM)

ME: i never thik about this matter,but ya.. cuz we can see it in reality..a cert doesnt mean anythin sumtimes, i was afraid tat u wil say me when u success in ya career o rich..see..not use on takin degree what,as long as u good in earnin money..den u wil find yaself lebih for today wat hav u said/thought! frankedly speakin,i agree wif it..dont hav degree doesnt matter..as long as long u fight 4 ur future and be hardworkin.. otherwise why do i appreciate and liKe ya..? i couldnt guaratee u wil be or not after u complete ya stude..but i blif u are someone who hardworkin than other do.. because wat u can, i can not..im juz low esteeem and not ooutstandin..

YOU: I always lov u but u donno only! just now i realy fel nt nice,today wat i hav..soometimes out of control..i always lov in invisible way,perhaps u cant see..always say i take you 4 granted.. i can tel u tat i lov u more that wat u thik..i can swear.. my pain,who know?

ME: first of all..i thik i wuld nv enter ya world..i do not know why u unhapie always..becuz u thik i couldnt solve why shuld i tell? u are wrong..i just wish to know what happene on my dear and what he tot always,but not sayin i dont understand..u dont tell, who wil? if u dont take me 4 granted, u wont simply treatme this way..u never learn 2 concern my feelin..
wat i want, its kinda simple.. pampere me always..let me feel d love from ya..but not neglect me..

If all of this happen again, my lov to you wil juz lesser..i wil let you go..
cuz now i stil takin as ez come ez go between u n me..no doubt..
mE n u can be good buddy as well rather than coupLe..

:'(.....

Am i makin my darlin upset always? my word make him feel heartache..
dont know why...chat till half way..you said tat im not suit u, u find others..lets end here..

its just like out of sudden..i dont know wat to do..just say ok,lets end..
just discusin only,become like tat..and you are 2nd time to say it...ask me leave you...
honestly,i dont realy fel sad..i know we are ez come ez go..til d time i pick ya phone,tear just non stop..i dont hav any anger on ya.. i just mind d way u say, i dont understand you always..
i just wish whenever i say so, u wil prov to me u wil nt, n u wil be zhen qi..i just fel stress after talkin wif mom tat time..i just wanna remind u, soccer isnt everythin 2 u in future,i know u pay lots effort than other do..if u said i dont understand u, why dont we be good budy, at least u wont say i don understand..y it seem big changes?

if urself thik tat inability 2 be my man, why do i still belif u can? i feel uneasy you Know..
why cant i fel d strenght of love?

tat time onward,i just thik about..should we further our relationship?

Official/unofficial?

wHat relationship are we having now?
we just dont want to have any commitment?
or just myself?

sometimes i thik of it..just feel quite funny.. when we hav dinner together or wif friend, u'll pay for me..dont know why, i'll feel like paisheh..if i insist to pay, u will say dont treat me as bf?
so tat time onward..most of d time u pay for me.. but still fel paisheh...in fact, bf/gf shuldnt feel paisheh when other half pay for you rite..maybe not commit yet? its still takin as unofficial relationship..we'll turn off anytime?

Furthermore..if we hav commitment..why dont u tell ya or my friend..we are coupLee??
no one know you/ me are havin gf/bf? is it afraid lettin ppl know tat? is it calll lovE?
well, im juz selfish tat wante ur fren know tat im ur darlin..haha...but myself still hesitating..
afraid this n that..summore family...

My thikin..
is it quite unfair to you...Sorry darlin..

ia...

ia...why lots question in my mind...
dont be pessimistic,but be optismistic...
im waitin someone to change me..from -ve to +ve.... ARE U THE ONE?

im thinkin why.. from friend to bf can be so much diff?
when we are friend, i always blif in you and understand u well..
when become bf, its seem like blif ya is far away and no longer understand u...why?
i feel hardfeeling beacause i not allow myself to do so..!! and also i dowan u hide sth from me after we get closer as what u said some thing canot let me know or hav to thik be4 lettin me know? afraid me scold...i dislike d feelin le,seem like everythin has changed btw u n Me...
i do thik about wat ya reaction someday..Will u feel feded up of me ?

why we began?
am i replace Joyc?
omg...full question.. i gotta get crazy...

why cannot be simpleee..
why need to care what people think about it?
im over-thought? but its out of control.. u know that rite....
Guide me a way..

do i?

do i mean it when i say i miss you?
sometimes i dont know whether i miss you or not..
just feel lacking of sth when u not around me...occupied my life perhapss..

althought we are getting closer..undoubtedly,i kept asking myself..should we go further?
sometimes appear alots question on my mind...thus, i nv take this relationship seriously..
maybe i really lack of security toward you guys..sorry..
i cant bear tht people lie on me or treat me as stupid.. just lil lie i also not allow.. tats me..
Like that be friend or be gf/bf better? im askin myself..

today question in my mind is..
we getting closer.. would u still meet net gfriend..and hide from me?
if u do so..i dont do..it seem stupid rite...but i cant make it..

pls find a way to prove me u are not...

Why?

sometimes i really dont understand why..
i come out happily..but your mood repeatedly make me feel uneasy...
When you quiet..u tell me u are trouble..but just tell half way, then say nothin la...
say dowan play badminton but din tell me why..tats why i told ya promise ppl ady, why wanna break promise? sudenly wanna watch spiderman as u know they booked tonite ady..
why dont make it easy for me.. just tell me that u unhappie, feel like watchin movie wif me and dowan play badminton? i just din know whats wrong with ya...

On the way to the friend place, just saw ya frustrated lookin when trafic jam..im silent again..
is it treat someone u love/like,u can act this way always, but to friend act happie? so its became my problem? well, im human too...i hav emotion..

i din angry ya..just wanna a tooth to tooth.. u quiet that time, dont u knw i just feel like years 2 go..thus, i act unhappie when u cheer me...

so on the way back Homeee...u said i dont understand u,its make me real sad..u din know wat i want..i just want sth make it easy for me.. u never allow me to enter ya world or let me know and why u dowan..how do i know wat u want? feel heartache indeed..

so i repeatedly ask myself again..wats wrong? ur mood always affect me..i do not know u dowan play badminton because of it MATTER..what ken cannot handle, all u hav to do...
is it my prob? i realise myself not understand you..i just cannot quietly to wait ya tell me..
Maybe im not a understandin gf in ya heart..but i always try my best n tell myself dont take it,but i faile to do so.. while pressin the sms, i really wanna tell you we stop here..
is it my matterr? end up after expresin my feelin , i fel better..and din send out..because i couldnt let it go..

i wish to let it go someday, i dowan to cry for ya anymore.. im just useless..!
maybe we know wht wat we want..but jus dont hav d guts to do so? or we just couldnt let it go?

...............................

erm...

Hot weather make one frustrated.. do you agree?as i got skin problem, so i afraid hot.. it been quite long never skin irritate like these day after back from perhentian..the salty water and sunburn really kill me..tats why i quiet and didnt like to talk..it will make me more frustrated...Yesterday one of my gf ask me out today..i said Okay..but dont know since when i hope to see him everyday..altot ppl ask me out, but i wil thik first ..if the fellow din ask me out,i might cal them..so today i tell a lies to a girl ,say i hav forgotten..in fact,i remember...

So i just went out with him for lunch with few fren..why such ar bad weather i still out when he ask me? why dont i stay at hOme and enjoy my movie? i hang with a smile when i met u everytime altot i fel hot..because i feel happie when i see you.. you mustnt know that your mood will affect my mood always..you suggeste to oldtown drink,im fine with it..you bring along the cigaratte, i stop you because i wanted sit inside but not outside with a bad weather.. ur frustrated face with d hot weather..still smoking under the heat roof..what for?i nv meant to stop ya smoKing,but u told me u din smoke even 1 pcs?between that period its like years for me..u make me thik about joy n jiayi..if i were them, would u like that? or just sked joy angry and wanna giv jiayi good impression?am i too good to bully? You just make me feel, you are not appreciated me..

dear, i will never appreciate who not appreciate me..i will feel pity for myself..im not blamin ya right now..just wanna express my feeling thru here..thikin whether im right or wrong..i really dont know how to be a good gf..Maybe i only suit to be ya goodfriend..give you alone and space..Honestly, i dont like to control ppl..it doesnt mean i dont care..i just hope u will feel flexible and cheerful when you be with me..pls do not thik im troublesome..im just want to under a roof with cooling air..

What is Love?

Say i love you..isnt show anything..
Love is something that you need to do and put effort on it...Act and prove to her/him..
Just say i love you, isnt enuff... everyone can do it as well..or just simply say it...
so i dont take it when people say i love you..unless ya action make me Feel so...

Everyone perception is diff..Me n urs too.. ur love is implicit,but i wish to be explicit...

Perhentian Nite...

its seem quite long never talk over phone wif my dear..
because we were together wif friend at perhentian...

Lookin at the sea..listen to the wave..its sound so good.. when will we be there again?
so we started 2 hav some short conversation as we not really chitchat though.. till d day be4 we left...

i wanna tell u sth that wat i tot and hope...but u seem never understand? and thought i despise u abnormal? well..im abnormal also,not perfect..why do i want to hurt ur feeling?

That day,you told me tat u knock ya nose after drinkin and afraid couldnt see me just like tat..oMg..my feelin was just like..extreme sad.. maybe just had some talk wif mom in d mornin..den nite tiMe you told me tat...why cant u giv me some strenght to prove to my mom? i wan my parent know tat i wil be ur everythin..u will take good care of urself..so u hav d ability to take care of me? so my parent wont stop you to be wif me in future?

But u misunderstood..tat nite ask me leave u..say i dont understand wats d diff between u and me? dont u know tat u are hurtin my feelin? why? then just hold me back..
>____<

crieddd...

so lame..Cried for what?just because you talk loudly to me? or ya face tryin to say im stupid?i just dont know how to tell a lie.. when i talkin with joey over phone, u are just nx to me tell me got incoming call ask me hang up suddenly when ppl speakin to me?how do i know u told her that we at kg jawa? when she ask me i told her at shopin centre?before you pick up phone,i said tel her both of us dating at complex,but u din..im just cried for nothin..i din angry ya..your pattern..its used to be la wei..just to kek tong when talkin to you..the way u talk just like wanto fight!i felt myself so LAME..maybe began with you is wrong..under probation? should i let it go?

You-Mr LeOng

hAve you ever cried because of me?

Have you ever think how important am i to you at this moment?

hAve you ever think that yourself is too demanding but urself cannt make it?

Have you ever concern about my feeling and sand at my situation to think?

hAve you ever think what you would like to be?

Have you ever think you are quite contradiction?

hAve you ever think what you want, doesnt mean what i want?

Do you think im annoying all d tiMe??
Yes

im a person who fully fill with questioins in my life..you would never know what i gotta ask you in future..Thus, security and trustful are occupied a big portion...

Kiss..

This is my first post in blog.. to drop down tht mr leong KISS me without my permission~
i Guess you must be drunk..so Kissed me~ i got no alert..dont know why, i fel so paisheh..
my good budd french kisin wif me...its sound so weird rite?
you drunk, so simply kiss me?
anyway, i felt sweet sweet.. keke...